Long Overdue Catch Up

1. It's already been nearly 5 months since my last post.
2. Many things indeed happened over the whole period. Life was as occupied as ever with my daily chores, endeavor in searching the meaning of life, getting by and living through life.
3. Actually there is some element of avoidance; by writing a blog post, it is essentially a dialogue with myself. Nothing but truth is revealed. It is like getting naked under the spotlight, yet of course i can still choose not to stand in the focus zone, and i also have an option to decide which part of me to be shine under the light.
4. Many things revolving in my mind all this while. To further pursue my studies (where, when, how ?), to look for a new career challenges else where (where, when and how?), and finding that someone who appreciate and care for me as much as i care for her (where is she now?). As i like to advice my friends to take things one by one, to have faith in life where a higher power has a plan for us, to accept the is-ness of life and things; but yet, at times it took control most part of my life, like a black hole, diminishing my mental thoughts and energy, as i cannot think though it.
5. For most part of the past few months, life was in an auto-cruise mode; day-to-day mundane chores and challenges. I cannot conclude that this is not the life i have wanted, after all everyone has to  do the laundry even if you are an enlighten being. You still have to throw the rubbish bin and realized that the plastic bags had holes and the smelly water drips from within, you still face parking summons if you fail to pay parking ticket and etc.
6. Life always has its way to drag us back to face the drift of life.
7.  Undeniably, there is also some glimpse of hope shine in my life over the last few months period. At a time, i was picturing myself, furthering my studies overseas with my loved one at my side and assume that lecturing and teaching will be my life-time career; at another time, i was picturing i am back with my family in KL, hanging out with my bros playing monopoly card games, and trying hard to lead a life everyone deemed normal; and another time, i am dreaming about there is not much changes, very much the status quo, simple life as i found a simple girl, working in a simple company, pursuing my part time doctorate making small and simple progress in every small aspects of my life.
8. I guess the reader of my blog will think that i am lucky to still be sane after all this. Well, that is me, i am a thinker and a more sarcastic way of saying will be, i really does enjoy mental masturbation. (The process of thinking and thinking and thinking again, the reason, because it creates a sense of thrill for the dreamer) Haha, this is in fact the key way for me to remind myself from not mental masturbating. Hahaha, how ironic.
9. As from the saying, action speaks louder than words, and in my case, everything is meaningless if there is no action. It is really unfortunate that i failed to secure a job in KL (the odds are pretty high that i might be going back), but surprisingly the firm rejected my offer in a very last minute manner. Life still goes on and everything is still fine, i kept telling myself.
10. I was indeed sad at the very beginning when i heard the news about them withdrawing the offer. I realized that, it is not about the job, or relocation, it is the changes that i wish and i wanted. And i realized how much i wish for a change.
11. Life still goes on and this too shall pass. The greatest change is from with"in" not with"out". I told myself to be patience and perhaps it will take some little more time.