Kangaroo Land 9th June - 16th June 2018

1. This is my second visit to the land of Kangaroo. And ya, finally i get to see the famous Kangaroo, the Koala, the Wombat, Platypus all at Taronga Zoo. Sydney Opera House, the harbour bridge, my secret place in front of Hyatt Plaza never failed me with the charming and breath taking view.
2. Only my second visit albeit now at a much colder climate, the city is all too familiar for me. I had never thought that my trip back here is so soon. Everything seems familiar (train station, shopping center, eatery) and of course this time there is also new found jewel such as Paddy Market, The Star, Fisherman Market, nice Korean and Japanese Restaurant. How i miss the coastal walk and this time Rainbows decided to cameo few times together with DOUBLE RAINBOW~~ 
3. Something good going to happen i told myself as only my first and second day at Sydney i had witness the nature's miracle i.e. the Rainbows. Sometime if left unchecked, i am totally swallow up by my memory, immersed in the past and at another instance i got overwhelm with the present, the scenery, the weather and with her by my side. I never had a chance to tell her that, my safe place is no longer that special when she is not sitting by my side.
4. For me perhaps there are three main purposes for this trip. To witness her convocation, to spend time and cherish every moment with her and finally, hopefully i can steer clear on our relationship status. 
5. I am glad that i am blessed with a good memory and some commendable sense of direction. I knew my way around UNSW reasonably well. I am truly grateful for the opportunity to be part of her life, to join and witness the very moment of her doctorate convocation. For the very least it meant a lot to me regardless what others might said. Witnessing her journey, challenges, and suffering she had been through i am indeed very touched when her name was finally announced on the stage. Tears roll down as i look beyond the stage to see her carry the certificate. Hardly able to describe this feeling properly in words.
6. I understand as always, on her busy schedule and her priorities. For me our meetup is always about getting together and spending time together. Activities turn out to be not so important. Spending time to do some groceries, walking down the streets with her or even sitting quietly by her side already meant a lot to me.
7. It had been so many years as i recalled, between us. Using her favourite food and drinks can very much summed up the years; Super Ipoh Old Town White Coffee, Verbena Swiss Roll, Egg tart, Gu Wen Cha Chinese Herb Chicken, Carrot Cake, Ipoh Nam Heong White Coffee and toasted bread, and Ipoh Paper Wrapped Chicken, Baker Cottage Whole Meal Bun, Starbucks Coffee, McDonald Sausage McMuffin with Egg and Coffee with One pack of Sugar, Jin Xuan Dim Sum, KimChi Korean BBQ (Stone Pot) at Tropicana, Lei Cha (at Taman Megah Food Court), Salmon Sashimi (Not sure where in Singapore), Will&Co coffee, Black Star cakes, The Grounds, Yayoi and of course her mom's home cooked food.
8. No jokes. All these food used to be her favourite and some is still her favourite. There were just too many stories and memories trap within the food. 
9. I couldn't sleep well at Sydney despite that the capsule hotel is reasonably comfortable. Many dreamy night as i had been thinking a lot over the period. I have to admit on my weakness to throw the question at her, to ask for an answer, which i have no guts to face all this while. Somehow i think i knew the answer but i never wanted to face it. 
10. Yet, i am forced to, both by myself as well as some of my close friends who had knew about me and her, to get an answer. So that we can move on with our life be it together or not. I had no chance or rather i didn't create the chance to ask her. In the end i resort to plain text.
11. Somehow i can read her body language; the way she speaks to me this time around, not many photos and chatting together, less laughter from her all pointing otherwise but her reply to me still caught me hard and pain. I always think we are more than friends, more than good friends; not like a love birds, but rather like a family, someone close to my hearts despite the distances that kept us apart all these years.
12. The baggage collection seems like forever as i am waiting for her reply. The memory between us flashes through my mind and again my eyes became teary once more. I felt so lonely at that moment. My hearts almost felt like emptied and my mind is all blind. I thought i am already prepared for this moment, yet i failed miserably. All these years ... how much will i miss her ... her smile ... her laughter ... our memory ...
13. Is that Love ? Having to make sacrifices without asking for a return ? Or is that stupidity ? Sometime i wish to paint a good and great future together with her by my side. I dare not dream so much as the dream is too good to be true. As the sayings goes, the higher one hope, the deeper one fall. Guess not dreaming doesn't help me in falling deeply.
14. What is left for me? What about my life ?  How can i recover from this ? Can i still care for her like i use to do? Will she ignore and block me from her ? Does that mean an eternal good bye?
15. My mind cannot withstand such torture anymore. Despite the challenges to not think of her in the day time, the night time now seems even more cruel as all fall silence and the memory came and haunt me once more.
16. I felt like throwing my faithful books away when i am reading it, why i need to read now, no one will share the excitement of new found knowledge with me anymore ? This too shall passed, i kept telling myself, but yet, what if this will not passed and never be forgotten.
17. I am very appreciative towards the support i had received and the care i had from my fellow friends who already knew about this. Actually, it wasn't any big deal in the eyes of others. It is only a one-way love for that many years and it actually meant nothing comparatively with other relationship matters. Only i knew, how much she meant to me, how much i had loved her and now i need to align it back and re-build my life that used to put her as my center of attraction. 
18. Will i ever meet another someone who gave me such courage to love relentlessly and to love me all the same? To have such close connection and closeness in terms of thinking and chemistry ? Perhaps i am just asking too much. There could never be that someone. People have their agenda, and priorities. 
19. I lost my courage and i lost my strength now, in this episode of my life. Rainbows always signify something good will happen. My trip this time was blessed with many rainbows and even one Magnificent Double Rainbow. Perhaps Mr. Rainbow is pulling my leg this time.