The 5th Year

1. Such important date on 30th August and i didn't post a blog about it.
2. Not about Leely's Bday, not on Bersih, no on Merdeka Eve; my anniversary in Penang.
3. Many had changed and many had yet changed. There is already this layer of awareness around me on the changes and the non-changes. Awareness is the key and Action will be the on-going process.
4. When i first came at the age of 25, and now that i am already 30 years old. I am happy that i had been acting and behaving in a more mature ways, i had developed my critical thinking skill and also my knowledge. I miss my youthful-ness, the spirit of do-it think later. I miss the slimmer version of me, I miss my happy go lucky character.
5. Yet, there are still many things to be done. 
6. I realized over the years, i am still working on the part of me where i am lacking of self-confident, been paranoid easily, easily short-changed myself, the excessive controlling behaviour, and been rather emotional. It seems like i cannot eradicate such behaviour. I can only somehow control and contain it. Sometime i am resisting such negative behaviour, but sometime i had let it took control over me.
7. At times, it felt really tired and exhausted to contain the negative part of me. I had learned that by staying present and accepting who we are will help me. It deemed useful and i am practicing it as the challenges surface here and there.
8. The power of our thoughts had strike me hard and i am very impressed with it. We can decide how we want to feel and think about certain issue that strikes us. Sometimes we are stuck in the wrong side of the beautiful scene that we wish to paint in our life and at times we felt the liveliness, the rush of vitality in our life.
9. If i can be the master of my mind; If i can decide and choose the feeling and reaction of my every action; It all start from now, from daily practice; big or small.
10. This particular chapter in my life; i wish to remark it as awakening.
11. Now i understand the analogy given to me previously better; about the iceberg with 10% surface above the water and 90% submerged in the water; about loving oneself; about creating a layer of self-awareness; about thinking System 1 and 2; about been positive; about the four noble truths of Buddhism; It is all related; been mindful.
12. It was funny enough; like a circle we go.
13. Searching for our identity; Found our identity with both love and hate aspect; and learning hard to let go our identity. That is an endless circle.