What Else Do You Want?

1) Although the workload had significantly reduce since end of August, but there seems still not enough time to write a proper post here. I would like to note down some of my feelings, the ups and down here.

2) Perhaps this is the side of me that I do not wish to face directly all this while. I do not wish to remember how helpless I was, and how foolish I had been. The other sides of me who is inferior, lack of confidence, been paranoid, not appreciating the present and whatever that I already had, not able to see far, and just not good enough.

3) Another round of soul searching, gathering all my might and buckle-up to go on. I kept telling myself that. Yet, I still feel my weakness, my downfall. Is that a normal cycle? Up and Down, and Up and Down.

4) Its the same old song just a slight different remix this time. It’s a great deal for me, family and friends, and it has been like that all this while. I felt my future is in the dark now, working hard at work, doing part time studies, but who can be sure and tell me that my future will be brighter and better?

5) At times I picture myself in a long winding road all along. There’s no end to it, and there’s no company beside me. Realistically I know this is not true, but perhaps this is the feeling that I carry indirectly all this time.

6) After the trip in Cambodia, my parents and family came over to visit me in Penang. I brought them to visit Penang, had a drink in Starbucks Strait Quay, my mom’ favourite Chendol and the Assam Laksa in Ayer Itam. My pal, Chua, Lih and Leely came, and I appreciated their visit during very much. I met up with Shu Mei a half day trip in Penang, had a good afternoon tea in MugShot, and movie. Melvin came, we enjoyed dinner in China House and walk around the George town street during mid of July, haha, what the hack was that for, and we had pillow talk in the night. Sharon came with her friends and we met up after my class, had a good talk between us to catch up with each other. I had also met up with my soon; a wonderful fattening supper in China House, spending time chatting, drawing on the mahjong paper and playing Bingo and tic tac toe.

7) So many people came and we spent quality time together, but I am still not satisfied. The reason been is the nature cycle of Up and Down. After the happiness, there’s always the sadness. Always I felt emotional when they left, I will try to sleep, or watch movie, just keeping myself busy so I could think less.

8) The semester had started early this month and finally all the assignments and tests have started to kicks in. It is time to get busy. Guess I will have less time to torture my brain after this. Knowing that it is me and always been me, I will need to put my emo-self aside and move on with next task now.